Poems, photos, rants and raves that are all inevitably me in one form or another.


Prior to traveling north for three weeks of intensive work, I just spent the last day and a half nuzzling and cuddling and sleeping and fucking and drinking wine and laughing and thinking and feeling great things with a guy I’m falling in love with.

It was both the most satisfying and perfect way to leave and not see him for almost a month (traveling home post work assignment) and also the worst, leaving me with a constant pang for his presence.


I don’t use Tumblr anymore, in fact, I hardly glance at it. However, I have been considering the possibility of using it as a journal of sorts to chart my experiences being single and trying to better figure out who and what I want, while currently cohabiting with an ex (which at this point, frankly, is more inconvenient than emotionally distressful). So far being single has been fun, thought I am trying to be conscious both of what I plan to get out of it and also how best to avoid pitfalls that brought down my other relationships. More later, maybe.  

looooooooooool, no, no, talking about our relationship/mocking me with your ex-gf/telling her how much you miss the connection between you two is really going to convince me that we should be together….


I’ve gone to the theater alone
bought two cokes
put my coat in the seat
next to me
and held my own hand
while the movie played
I’ve told strangers
my secrets all because
they thought I was pretty
I’ve slept in my own bed
with a man who wouldn’t
hold my hair back while
I threw up apologies
I’ve watched the
sun burn itself into ashes
while telling someone I met
online that my name is Blue
and I live in London by myself
I’ve kissed cold lips
chapped lips
mostly drunk lips
I’ve pretended to be
anyone except my
dim and breathing self
I’ve expected a fullness
in place of this echo
but all I ever get back
is my own voice
All I ever get back
is a stranger’s mouth
and I pretend it is what
I’ve always wanted

The Things I’ve Done in Desperate Attempts to Not be Alone  (via homerrssimpson)

(Source: alonesomes)


BEWARE: smoking weed can have dangerous side effects, such as never shutting the fuck up about the fact you smoke weed

(Source: superhighschoolleveldoujinauthor)

I get that it’s supposed to be cute, but I get major “ick” factors when

a) babies have “boyfriends” or “girlfriends”

b) girls have “date nights” with their dad. 

Babies are babies. And even if it’s just bonding time, it is NOT date night, and it’s super Oedipus-y/Electra-y and I’m being weird but YUCK.

That awkward moment when your dad works for a Monsanto company.

Lately, decries about the evils of Monsanto have been blowing up my news feed. I absolutely don’t disagree; in fact, it’s a large part of why I don’t eat meats and buy “organic” (though labels can mean little especially in the light of GMOs) when I can. However, when browsing a list of Monsanto companies, I find that Pepperidge Farm is on the very long list. My dad has worked (essentially as an independent contractor) for PF for over a decade now.  That money provided a lot for me and my family and still continues to;  while I recognize that no one is saying that my dad or the workers of these companies are immoral, the statement to boycott companies like PF makes me uncomfortable. I don’t support Monsanto as a company but, well. My dad is an extremely hard-working man supporting his family and even if I hypothetically bought PF products, they wouldn’t go to his wallet, I still don’t feel right about blanket protesting.

I didn’t used to be such an evil bitch when I menstruated, but oh god. It’s gotten worse in the last 6 months. Physical effects have intensified, and with it, extremely negative mood swings, like getting really angry/irritated or sobbing over nothing. I feel myself getting irrationally upset during those days but can’t really seem to reign in my emotions. I need to figure something else out because I never used to be this way.

I want to start using Tumblr actively again, but only so I can bitch and sometimes post about how awesome I think I am.

Coming into my work and making a point to say “bye” to each of my surrounding coworkers and not me doesn’t maker you clever, just undeniably immature.

Never had any adverse side effects to any of the numerous medications I’ve taken through the years.

Fortunately, this time around, I am experiencing severe nausea, trembling hands, anxiety, and shitting myself in a grocery store.